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| Watch out for these particularly nasty threats to your PC. The W*** Brom Virus This is where your PC thinks its far superior to any other PC and develops a memory disorder, forgetting anything that happened before 2001. The Gary Megson Virus The computer develops a continuous whining noise and the 'forward' button on web-browsers becomes disabled. The Darren Moore Virus The computer starts to run very slowly. The Jason Roberts Virus The computer develops a processor problem, whereby it thinks it's better than it actually is. The Russell Hoult Virus This one's not particularly harmful - but you just can't save anything. W*** Brom style of play virus The computer becomes incapable of doing anything but booting up. The Smegson T***T Virus Like a bad dose of the cl*p, this attacks the main CPU and tries to take over control of everything. However it soon gets disillusioned with how pathetic, cheap and simple the host is and moves on to find another victim. Boring Skinner Virus A decidedly unfunny and untalented beast that sucks the life out of everything around it. This is a high profile virus that doesn't seem to go away. Cat Deeley Disease The computer looks great, all the lights are on, but nothing works. It will start copying anything from Newcastle. Swampie Fan worm Comes out of the woodwork for big events, but will disappear on its own when nothing is happening. Benny Fan trojan The computer becomes unable to communicate with other devices (except similarly infected PCs), the processor becomes very slow and the screen becomes very dim. Swampie CD virus Similar to the Benny fan trojan, this one thinks its clever, but it can't read or write, although be careful as it can leave a trail of slime behind. Swampie Fire Wall Puts up a massive defensive wall and hopes that anything trying to get through will get bored and go away. Swampie premiership virus This one is not a problem, it has delusions of grandeur, and is merely an irritant to higher level programs and will be relegated to lower levels after just one year. Hawthorns Virus Thinks its hard but is really software. The PC develops a capacity larger than it needs, as no one wants to use it. The Phil Gilchrist Virus This is a particularly ugly one. The Lee Hughes Virus This is a particually nasty worm. It looks for high value financial items and pretends to aid and albeit them, but soon bleeds them dry before moving onto the next one. Eventually it returns to its source and promptly goes into hiding, lazing around and off-loading its ill gotten gains on worthless items. It likes lap-tops. The Bob Taylor Virus This virus is relatively simple, its very old now and can be easily contained. It has little chance of causing any damage and doesn't need any attention. The cheating Scot Dobbie Virus As soon as this one gets near a box it falls over! Know of any more viruses? Let me know |
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